While I’m at it…

I haven’t posted a poem in ages, because i haven’t written one in as long. So, good or bad, here it is.

the hole i left in you
is roughly female-shaped,
like a symbol on a ladies’ room door,
and i’ve been watching you try
to convince old friends and forced acquaintances
to fill it in for you
since the moment i left my key
on the kitchen counter.

in the beginning of our time together
i recognized the vagueness
in the way you said “somebody”
after your needs and wants
rather than “you,” but i wish
that when you’d asked me later on to be your steph
it had meant you were molding
that soft place in your chest
to fit only me–
the way our spiced-wine sheets
and the crook of your arm
on shiny saturday mornings seemed to–
and that i had been able
to comply.

i lie in that same bed now
dreaming of the feeling
of the final days,
the bitter misunderstanding
and tense silences,
packing boxes with the knives
we used to cut them with,
the hard corners of bare walls
and the edges of heavy furniture

and i wish that you
or anyone else i’d ever left
had asked me to stay.

because the truth is
the hole in me was made by a man
much taller than you
and never quite healed
down to your size.

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008 1:37 pm • poetry
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  1. Bryan Myers says:

    August 28th, 2008 at 8:07 am

    Hey Steph,

    I saw your blog post on myspace which lead me here. Thought I would check out your poetry. Hope you don’t mind. :P

    This poems is very good, even if it is mind bogglingly depressing. You really capture a feeling that I think many people can relate to. That moment of contemplation and doubt that overwhelms us from within. When then luster of a previously made choice goes through a second (third, fourth, etc) review in our hearts and our minds.

    I think it’s a beautifully captured emotion and circumstance that invokes commonality between you and the reader. It has a unique “every man (person)” element, and a deep emotion and that sets it well above the status quo of todays artistic drivel.

    I hope the emotion you have been kind enough to expose to the world in this poem is only a reflection of one of many emotions that carry you through this life. I, for one, like to see you smiling happily at whatever it is that tickles your fancy.

    “You should smile more! They are free, and they look great on you.”

    Hope all is well,

    Bry

  2. Emily Cooper says:

    August 28th, 2008 at 11:19 am

    Steph! my long-lost poetry pal.

    i love this poem, especially the last stanza. I think it speaks to so many of us who’ve been in that situation.

    i’m sorry to hear about you and dan parting ways, and the after effects. PLEASE hang out with me soon =) I should be in Des Moines pretty frequently over the next few months - a good friend of mine is getting married and I’m her Maid of Honor. Dress shopping makes me irritaed and it would be great to see your beautiful face!

    Text or call - 451-3479. Also, if you can make it to my naughty party this saturday, i would love it! =)

  3. Samantha says:

    August 28th, 2008 at 11:45 pm

    Hey Steph,

    I don’t know if you remember me or not…we only met once. I checked Dan’s fb page & noticed you two weren’t dating anymore– which led me here. I love this poem! It’s absolutely beautiful. Just wanted to let you know.

    ~Sam

  4. Anonymous says:

    September 2nd, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Hi, Nice to see your blog doing so well. It’s been a few weeks since I visited you here so I thought that I should just stop by for a quick hello. Ok, thats it, have a nice day. Bompa

  5. Kerstin says:

    September 7th, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    Hey Steph, this is beautiful, and the drawing that seems to go along with it is beautiful too. I wish I had some words of encouragement or something helpful to say, but I know how hollow things like that sound when this is new and raw. Some things just have to be felt.

    Anyway, I am glad I found your blog. It is nice to see what you’re up to and discovering.

    Thanks for your words on my dismal post this morning. I know..JNCO jeans. I wish I had more of them, I tried to put them on before I cut them. I’ve grown since then in every conceivable direction, and I’m glad. I’m sure it would have been worse than looking through an old yearbook. But I kept the little embroidered character they used to have… just in case.

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