Hey it’s my birthday! This is my favorite day of the year. 
I’m still not sure what i’m actually going to do today, but i’m very very happy. I’ve been meeting cool new people and reconnecting with great old friends lately, and i’m so grateful for everyone that’s in my life right now. And i think things are going to keep getting better.
First of all, thanks for leaving so many wonderful comments on my last post. It meant a lot to me.
My sister Amy and her son Harper are visiting from Oregon right now. They arrived on Wednesday and the three of us and Mom had fun shopping around the East Village of Des Moines, going to see WALL-E, reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and generally hanging out. Friday evening Uncle Doug and Aunt Vicki had a little BBQ to celebrate, and of course their whole branch of the family was there. Saturday we drove out to Uncle Dave’s and visited with that bunch and Harper had fun playing with his second cousins. It had been a couple years since most of us had seen each other, and it was nice to be able to catch up.
That evening Mom, Amy and I went to see Ani DiFranco at The Capitol Theater in Davenport. I never cease to be amazed by how much she rocks. She was a little less talkative than the last time i saw her over in Iowa City with Emily last summer, but that’s okay.
I wish i’d taken pictures of all this stuff. 
Next time.
Yesterday Amy & Harps headed for Cedar Rapids and Mom & I came back to DM. On our way we stopped at the Amana colonies for lunch and picked up some blueberry wine. I hadn’t been around there in quite a few years. It’s really well-maintained and cute, but it was so hot that we didn’t stick around for long.
I saw some paintings by this Chicago artist Laura Lee Junge in a little gallery there, and i thought they were really neat:
On an unrelated note, my current goal in life is to decide on an apartment to move to in Des Moines, which is proving to be a major headache. But i got my new camera phone today, so playing with that should relieve some stress for sure.
Mom and i visited the Des Moines Arts Festival this weekend, which is one of my favorite things to do in the summertime. We’re lucky to get such a wide variety of artists from all over the country, some of whom even come more than once despite the awful weather–be it sweltering heat, torrential downpours or, this year’s surprise, a gale storm.
Here are a few of my favorites, or at least the ones from whom i was able to snatch a business card with a web address.
KEITH GRACE – This one appealed to the graphic designer in me because of the bright colors, simple images and the use of typography as texture. Fun collage/paintings, just really cool to look at.
CHRIS HONEYSETT – Obviously a great black & white photographer. Who doesn’t love fog photos?
BRUCE HOLWERDA – These paintings are just so whimsical and colorful and beautiful. I love that he captures the magic of dance and uses techniques like splatter painting and collage-like color so that the image almost seems to glitter.
So check out their websites, buy me a print or two… And come with us next year. We’ll get a four-dollar beer and gripe about all the other gawkers.
Two storms today (yesterday now, it’s that late at night) gathered and rumbled and threatened but never broke. One outside, one in.
I suppose i’ll begin where i left off last time. Sunday the 8th I went to the Zoo with Mom, Nina and Karl. Dan had left the day before for his motorcycle trip with his dad. It was rainy Sunday, but the rain let up just long enough for us to see everything we wanted to see, and then started to come down again the second we got back in the car. It was perfect.
Monday i spoke to Canright for scarcely half an hour before he offered me a job. Right then and there. He told me to take 24 hours to think it over, and so I wasted no time in beginning to panic. I talked to the people closest to me on the phone and went to Nina’s to try to distract myself, to no avail. How could i possibly just take the job without having even seen the place? I sent an email to Jim Canright and requested a few more days deliberation, to which he agreed.
Tuesday i called up the Student Travel Association and they found a wicked cheap plane ticket to Portland for me for the following day. At this point i thought i would definitely take the job if the place felt right. I couldn’t put my finger on a specific fear, but i was just scared somehow of getting stuck in a situation that wasn’t right for me, and i thought that that would have to do with the job rather than the city.
Wednesday i flew out to Portland, rented a car and drove to my brother’s best friend Ryan’s apartment in NW Portland. All by myself. I met his girlfriend and her mean weiner dog Pancakes who will lure an unsuspecting stranger’s hand by looking cute & innocent, and then lunge to bite his or her face without warning. I was warned, however, so this didn’t happen to me. She even let me pet her, eventually. Between the two of them, Ryan and Amy have two weiner dogs and one weiner/chihuahua mix who recently had her teeth removed (read: cutest freaking thing ever). I proceeded that night to watch Ryan’s “The Office” DVDs until bed time–again a necessary distraction from the huge decision i was facing.
Thursday i borrowed Amy’s GPS unit and drove down to Canright in SE Portland. The place was perfect. Jim is a really nice guy, and most of the few people who work there are women my age, extremely friendly. The neighborhood is artsy and bohemian and has narrow streets with cars parked on both sides, and the building was comfortably modern and painted an inspiring shade of light green on the interior. There were Macs just waiting to be used and a corgi dying for attention.
I had lunch with Kara, the accounts manager, and then talked to my Dad on the phone. He asked how sure i was that i’d take the job and i told him 90%.
I was driving around to look at a few apartments when things started to not feel right. It was all becoming very real. I realized i didn’t care about having to move all my shit across the country, wasn’t concerned about making new friends, wouldn’t have a difficult time adjusting to the new job. But Portland didn’t feel like home. I didn’t like the idea of disrupting my family in Iowa. And the thought of saying goodbye to Dan forever made me instantly burst into tears, despite the fact that i had thought i was ready to put my career first.
The truth is i’ve never cared about location or occupation nearly so much as the people i love. And it would be unfair not to mention here the fact that i dearly love my Dad and my sister, who both live in Eugene, Oregon. They’ll always be in my life and i’ll always be close to them, however physically far away. But to physically leave Dan to me meant to lose him, and i just couldn’t wrap my mind around that. I realize this about myself every couple of years when i decide it’s time to move away, and yet i need a more definite reminder every time. Last time was Rome. Before that i was going to transfer to the U of O. Before that i thought of starting college at U of O or the AI of Portland. Before that, high school at South Eugene. And on, and on, and on.
I lead a somewhat split life, having dreams and loves in two distinct locations, but at this point going to Oregon woudn’t be about returning, but starting anew. It will always be there if i some day decide i’m ready.
Friday i was able to spend some time with Dad and get a lot of good advice from him. We visited the Hawthorne district and the rose garden. After he left i talked to Dustin, Dan, Mom, and finally Jim Canright. Now is not the right time for me to take this job, i told him. He was sorry to hear it.
Saturday i flew back to Iowa and Sunday i reunited with Dan. Things still aren’t perfect, but i figure what’s already happening here is definitely worth seeing through. I’ve started the job hunt over completely. There are no freaking jobs around here, but i’ve got enough saved to probably see me through to better economic times, if necessary. I’ve got changes i want to make once i have income again. New glasses. More exercise. Increased appreciation for all that i’ve already got.