I’ve been too busy to do much more than worry about the wedding for the past few months, but now with only eleven days to go i feel a sort of calm settling over me, so i’m taking just a moment to write about it. I’m coming up on a transition in my life, even if it’s really only a legal one; in reality, Nathan and I will have tax breaks and visitation rights and i will legally change my name, but our relationship won’t necessarily change because we’re getting married. I’m told, though, that marriage does in fact change a relationship, and in good ways. I can’t wait to find out what that means. So, i’m taking note of what it feels like to stand on this side of the bridge before i cross it, because i think this spot offers a pretty interesting perspective.
Planning this wedding has taken a lot out of me. I feel like i’ve made a hundred phone calls and written a thousand emails. We’ve spent a lot of money and hashed out myriad little details about the big day. I tried to keep it simple and not have opinions that were too strong about anything, but decisions still had to be made even if they were arbitrary (and none of them ended up being arbitrary). I personally picked out every little ribbon, flower, piece of paper and garment. I even made a lot of decisions about my own bachelorette party, which worked out perfectly in the end. The best part of the process has been the things that Nathan and i decided on together; the food and the gifts. I have no doubt that those will be well received, and worth every penny.
I’m not a decisive person nor a “people person” but i’ve managed to at least get everything done, which i find to be amazing. I feel like i moved a mountain, with a little help from my friends, family, and my wonderful fiance. Who knew that planning a single event could be so much work? If i had known, i probably would have either hired someone to do it for me or simply eloped. But then this wedding wouldn’t have been so me. Er, so us. 
I felt a lot of stress and shed a tear or two (or five thousand) over the course of our engagement, but now that it’s all coming together, i’m finally starting to feel excited. My sister and her son will be here in three days! My brother will arrive on Tuesday. My dad and his wife will be here in just eight days. And from there on out this will be pure enjoyment for the following week and a half. We’re going to Cancun for our honeymoon, and we’re going to sit back and do absolutely nothing while we’re there.
With all the planning out of the way, i’m able to think about what this actually is: a marriage. I’m getting married to Nathan, and that thought actually calms me. I suspect that there are some brides out there who start panicking about now, because they start to realize what they’re about to do. But when i think about what’s about to happen, i feel certain that this is the best decision i’ve ever made. I know this is the right thing for me; Nathan is the right man for me and spending the rest of my life with him is what i want more than anything. Married life is an adventure i can’t wait to embark upon, and with Nathan i feel well equipped for the journey. This is a smart move; a good idea. And it’s also wonderfully romantic. With the stress out of the way a deep happiness is settling upon me, and i’m pretty sure Nathan feels much the same.
Last weekend Nathan and i took a little road trip to Chicago, much like the one we took two years ago. In fact, we stayed at the same B&B in Oak Park—but this time we stayed in the suite with the whirlpool tub and fireplace! It was worth the extra cost.
We arrived at the B&B Friday evening, showered up and headed into the Lincoln Park area for dinner and a show. We parked near the Riviera Theatre and walked to Spacca Napoli for some authentic Italian pizza. (I chose this over deep-dish for two reasons: 1. there didn’t seem to be any good deep-dish places near the theater and i only wanted to deal with parking once, and 2. Spacca Napoli is supposed to be one of the best places to eat in Chicago.) As it turned out, it would’ve been much more pleasant to park twice rather than walking the mile-or-so to the pizza place, because it was much colder than we had anticipated. Note to self: even if it broke freezing during the day, always WEAR YOUR FRIGGIN’ HAT AT NIGHT during February in the Midwest. Duh!
The frigid walk was worth it for the delectable pizza & excellently paired Italian wine, and a little reconfiguring of garments and seemingly less wind made the walk back to the theater a lot more pleasant. Oh—except that we were very unpleasantly surprised to find, once we got there, that the theater was dark and closed, and the show had been postponed until February 14th. MONDAY. As in, the day we got back to work. UGH! I had been extremely excited to see Robyn, but alas, once again—just like when we traveled to see Ume in Iowa City last fall—my hopes and dreams were shattered on the cold pavement because the band had had to cancel the show that night. I vowed in that moment never to travel outside of Des Moines to see an indie band again, but i have since received a prompt reimbursement for my tickets and realized that Robyn’s concert was not our main objective for the Chicago trip. Besides, all that cold wind and disappointment made the fireplace and the whirlpool tub back at the B&B feel pretty much like heaven.
Saturday we took the El into the city and found our way to the Chicago Auto Show. There were a lot of shiny cars. Some of them were pretty. This one was my favorite:
The Audi somethingorother
And this was Nathan’s favorite:
The gull-wing Mercedes Spyder thing
As you can tell, that part was for Nathan. Then we went to the Field Museum of Natural History, where we saw a lot of amazing remains, including Sue the Tyrannosaurus Rex, plenty of stuffed animals including a couple of enormous elephants, and a the bones of Lucy, our oldest-known common ancestor (as humans).
These are the real fossils (minus the skull, which is upstairs)!
I could hardly believe that these were real, they were so huge.
Lucy, on the other hand, was surprisingly tiny.
As i was looking at a display that placed a human skeleton and an ape skeleton side-by-side to point out their similarities and differences, i overheard a man and his fifteen-or-so-year-old son reassuring themselves that there’s “no way” that people really evolved. Period. And i just couldn’t believe that a person could stand there and look at the actual fossils and the skeletons and read the very easy-to-understand-and-attractively-displayed explanations of how exactly evolution works and how it’s so strongly evidenced and how it’s still happening and how the scientific community really has no doubt about it, and still staunchly refuse to accept it. How do you take your child to a museum—a place of learning—and tell him that it’s all lies and not to believe any of it? But at least they were there, in the museum. A lot of people would simply stay away from the things they disbelieve. I almost said something to them but i didn’t trust myself not to get angry about it and push them even further away from understanding.
We only got through about 1/3 of the museum before we had to head back to Oak Park to get ready for dinner. We had chosen an Italian restaurant within walking distance of our B&B (and yes i wore a hat this time) called Cuccina Paradisio. The food was very enjoyable and somewhat imaginative, and we polished off a bottle of wine with it to make the walk worthwhile. The next day we stopped by IKEA on our way home again and picked up several lamps and things, and then i read to Nathan from Breaking Dawn on the not-so-terribly-long drive back home. It was a nice, relatively relaxing little trip, and now we’re ready to pack up the remainder of our things and move into our new house in less than two weeks! I’ll have plenty to say about that once the move is done, i’m sure.
The first book i finished this year was Stephen Hawking’s new collaborative work The Grand Design. Hawking piqued a lot of people’s interest by ending his bestseller A Brief History of Time with the poetic assertion that a unifying theory of physics would allow us to “know the mind of God.” In his new book, it is revealed that Hawking, as a scientist, actually sees no place for God in the creation of the universe.
The book was interesting by default, but it was a little bit hard to follow. For the most part i understood it, thanks to all the YouTube videos i’ve watched about quantum physics and the multiverse theory. There were just a couple of brief points in the book at which i felt that i was in totally over my head, and this is coming from someone who, admittedly, never even took high school physics. It seemed, though, that the argument against a creator wasn’t all that clearly spelled out. The book was more of a discussion of the current state of physics and how it’s trying to find a unifying theory, possibly to no avail. It’s the idea that time began when our universe—which may be one of an infinite number of universes—began, at the big bang, that shoves God out of the picture; but that point is only lightly touched upon in the book.
So i wouldn’t call this another atheist text by any means. It’s really more of an overview of quantum physics; it doesn’t seem to be meant as an argument for the nonexistence of God, and i think it was just played up by the publisher in that respect as a way of selling more copies. I’ve found that people of faith don’t base their belief in God on what scientists have discovered about the nature of the universe, anyway, no matter how famous or intelligent those scientists may be. I recommend this book to people like me who have watched those YouTube vids and would like to know a little more about the physics behind all the crazy-sounding findings in physics without getting too deep into the nitty-gritty science. And if you have faith, i doubt this book will shake it much.
About time, eh? I’m trying to get the blog ball rolling again, so let’s go ahead and talk about last year’s movies.
In 2010 Nathan and i watched something like 75 movies, and i had only seen about five of those before. So we beat last year’s count by a handful. The theme of the year ended up being Awesome Old Geeky Movies, whereas 2009 was more about Classic Old Movies. We watched about 7 Star Trek films, two Superman flicks (which i LOVED!), two Planet of the Apes movies (the originals), Legend, and many other sci-fi/fantasy movies that i had missed somehow. It was pretty great.
We also saw a few movies in the theaters, including Eclipse, Harry Potter , Tron and Inception. For some reason i thought it would be a good idea to see the latter film in an IMAX theater, which turned out to be a horrible notion. Have you ever tried watching a movie on TV with your face two inches from the screen? Yeah, that’s what it was like. I watched it through half-closed eyes, for the most part. I think i liked the movie. But i need to watch it again. The original Tron film was one of the older movies i watched at home this year, and I thought Tron: Legacy was actually quite good. It was visually exciting, had good music, and the storyline was solid enough. Not life-changing, but i’m not complaining.
My favorite flicks of the year were probably Up In The Air and Sunshine, which was released in 2007. Wow—that one keeps you on the edge of your seat. I watched it, too, with half-closed eyes sometimes, but for entirely different reasons. It’s not gruesome though, really, and it’s very very good.
And since i named a Worst Movie of the Year last year, i’ll go ahead and crown The Ugly Truth with that title for 2010. It’s supposed to poke fun at stereotypes. Except the plotline itself is really, really demeaning. I lost a lot of respect for Gerard Butler on that one.
I rarely have much of an idea about what movies are coming soon to theaters these days since i only stream TV shows off the internet and therefore don’t see a lot of trailers, but the one film that i know i’m really looking forward to seeing in 2011 is the first part of Breaking Dawn. Not even gonna lie about that.
It hasn’t been a very productive year for me in terms of blogging, but i’m pretty sure that’s one of the most obvious and overused statements in all of human existence. I have however read ten books, watched about 75 movies and listened to many new albums over the course of 2010. I’ve also gotten quite a lot done in terms of the upcoming wedding, but more about that later. Let’s take a blog moment to reflect on the year.
Last winter was actually a pretty content one for me. Having an SUV and big ol’ ear muffs and not paying too much attention to the bitchers all over Twitter kept me in really good spirits despite the crap that rained down on us for days on end. There was this day when i drove to work and everything was coated in a layer of frost and it was one of the prettiest things i think i’ve ever seen. Our downtown loft felt kinda like a warm cave—especially since we didn’t have to worry about paying for heating—and not having to shovel snow was a definite bonus. But the thin walls and high price eventually drove us to find a new place to stay.
In the spring we moved to our new house and i fell into a funk that lasted a couple of months. I had to stop paying attention to any and all news because hearing about the oil gushing mercilessly into the Gulf put a grimy layer of frosting on my not-so-happy cake. Luckily all of that junk passed and i had a very happy summer & fall planning the wedding details with Nathan and going to parties & shopping with my girls. My brother came to town for a couple of months and instilled in Nathan and me a humble appreciation for a really good IPA (i.e. beer). That was a very awesome way to spend the summer, if i do say so. We also took a trip to California to visit my dad’s family, including a handful of cousins who came to the U.S. from Belgium for three weeks to see the sights. It was a real treat to see them all again.
Come fall i’d been driving my stick-shift Honda almost every day for a year, and learning to drive it well taught me perseverance. I’ve gained a certain confidence that i might some day become good at other quotidian tasks, such as doing my hair, frying an egg or maintaining eye contact while speaking to people. When i lost my job in October, i was prepared to spend a couple of months doing very little and then go back to school to become a programmer, and i contemplated using my down time to practice playing guitar again. Okay—to be honest it was the hair thing that i was most looking forward to practicing, but—luckily i got a job as a web developer for August Home Publishing in November and was relieved of having to worry about what to do with my free time. ‘Cause when you work eight-to-five, you A. cook, B. clean up or C. watch movies when you aren’t at work. And on the weekends you sleep a lot and go out shopping/eating/hanging out with your friends. That’s just how it is. Well—for me, anyway.
My new job is awesome, and a major part of that may be that it’s just awesome to have a job. I was really lucky to get another job so quickly, and honestly if it wasn’t for the connections i’ve made via Twitter it wouldn’t have happened and i probably would’ve had to buy myself a new set of textbooks for Christmas. Thankfully, i have an income instead and i’m spending too much money on holiday steals and insurance premiums instead. The people i work with are awesome. The work i do can be challenging (which is great) and frustrating (which is not so great) at times, but it’s not a bad gig at all. The websites i work on have a LOT of potential, and i say that in the most loving possible way.
I’ve started working out again, thanks to the free gym access i get through work. And no, i’m not trying to lose weight for the wedding; i’m just fearful that with osteoporosis & heart disease running rampant in my family i’ll probably end up pretty miserable down the road if i don’t start taking preventative measures now. I’m getting married; that means i need to take care of myself, right? So i jog for 20 minutes twice a week and i’m going to work on finding ways to increase that and/or supplement it with some sort of weight-bearing exercise. I’m really afraid of building muscle, though. Especially in my legs. They tend to get muscular and i really don’t want them to be any bigger. But enough whining—i can already see the comments i’m going to get in response to that tangent.
I don’t really know how to segue into this topic, but a couple of people i knew from high school died this year and it’s been a really strange experience for me. The first was Tiffany Robb who frankly gave me more of a hard time in school than anyone else i can think of. She was my cheerleading captain freshman year and she was a big reason that i only lasted two seasons with it. When i heard that she had died i was creeped out by how little sadness i felt. But then i heard that she had been shot, and i just felt so angry knowing that her life had been stolen from her at such a young age. Whatever happened between the two of us back in high school is of so little significance compared to the fact that she’s been forcibly removed from the earth. It got me thinking about whether any of us is really entitled to life and for how long, and it made me wonder who would miss me and who wouldn’t if this happened to me and whether any of that really matters. And just on December 17th, Brittany Hall, who was a good friend of mine in high school, died of complications caused by her epilepsy. I had let her slip away from my life almost completely, except for a comment here and there on facebook. She was so passionate and unique and troubled and here again i’m angry that during her short life something of great importance was just stolen from her. But that’s probably not my place to really talk about. I know it’s natural and okay for people to drift apart after school, i’m just sorry that i never sat down to catch up with her over a cup of coffee or something. I wish i had heard her stories.
On a lighter note, i’m looking forward anxiously to what 2011 has in store. This is the year i get married. It’s something i’ve always secretly wanted but rarely dared to believe could actually happen for the right reasons. But here i am, and here we are, and i am so excited i can hardly breathe when i really think about it. The wedding is about five months away now, and i’m going to savor the days from here until then carefully, because the anticipation is so sweet. I’m definitely looking forward to actually being married to Nathan, but i’m also enjoying the planning and designing and choosing and checking items off the to-do list in good time. The day itself will be wonderful no matter what happens or what color the flowers end up being. And then there will be a honeymoon in Cancun. And then a long and happy life together. And i. Am so. Pumped.